Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
