I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
