using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to be your penis for a week.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
