Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
