he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
