I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
