he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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