She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
