OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
