Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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