I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize