What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
