i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
