god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Randomize
