do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
