he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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