i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
