What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
