he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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