i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
