If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
