I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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