I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
