he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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