And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
