dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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