anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
