She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
