Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
