My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
