I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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