he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
