We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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