3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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