dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
