I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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