Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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