I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
