I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
