I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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