when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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