I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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