guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dick has a subreddit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So vagazzling was a success
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
