ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
