its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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