Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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