The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
