I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The power of my boobs compel you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
