im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
