Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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