Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize