There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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