No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
