ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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