i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
