"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
