hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
