I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We got so high we made milksteak
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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