Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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