Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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