Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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