Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
