You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
