I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
