my mouth tastes like poor choices
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
