That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As shirtless as possible
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
