There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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