Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
