9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
