even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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