Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
