i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
