Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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