My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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