I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
