I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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