When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
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he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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