Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
