The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
