I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
