what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
