Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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